Jho's Place: January 2006

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

From Zero To Drama in Less Than 60 Seconds

Has anyone figured out how I am capable of doing this yet?

About this Weekend

There is nothing I can say. Let this be an open forum for my friends for this past weekend. I would appreciate your comments anonymous or not.

ok..I just wrote a bit to my friend on line. Seems appropiate to post this. Remember I believe in the truth...even if it hurts I would rather learn from my friends.

kindarandom_now: hey, if you want to hang tonight that is cool....Chris and anyone else is welcome too.
kindarandom_now: Man, I was seriously alright
kindarandom_now: and my friends have the right to be pissed at me
kindarandom_now: really I was using the situtation as a means to manipulate Josh and I was drunk and I choose my words poorly.
kindarandom_now: my mom called the cops on me
kindarandom_now: and I talked to them
kindarandom_now: and then my mom and brother-in-law came over and I let everything out that I have been feeling for so long....of course it did not help that I was drunk.
kindarandom_now: it was a real wake up call (but how many of those have I had this year, eh?)
kindarandom_now: I really don't even want to face my friends right now...but there will never be a good time.
emhuptown: Hey man, you have nothing to worry about for the friends who care about you. We were all just really concerned!
kindarandom_now: well like I told Mark...you can only cry wolf so much
kindarandom_now: and I am getting to the point where my friends will just be like...I am tired of trying...that is what happened with Josh.
emhuptown: Tonight will be fine. How about Figlio happy hour at 10
kindarandom_now: that is fine
kindarandom_now: I will meet you there tonight to just hang out.
emhuptown: sounds good
kindarandom_now: you basically got the story right now though.
kindarandom_now: I am going to post a bit of what i just said on my blog because I wanted to make a comment but did not know what to write.

Friday, January 27, 2006

It's only 9AM

What the hell am I going to do for the rest of my day?

Friday, January 20, 2006

My initial thoughts on Astrology

All I have to say is that I wish I had done my astrology homework before I got into my last relationship and I wish he had done his on me too :) If so, I think we both would have understood each others quirks from the get go instead of having to try to figure them out. Now I understand that ones sun sign, and moon sign, and rising sign, and yawning sign *wink* really make up the framework of who we are, yet life situations helps us get to either the healthiest or most destructive side of that framework. In other words we all have the potential to rise above those things we wish we could change about ourselves, and yet realize that we don't have to beat ourselves up over our innate nature. I challenge you to read multiple web sites and books on this subject and you will be amazed on how accurate it is about you, and those you have dated in the past, friends from the past or those currently in your life. My worldview has become such where I will not ignore the wisdom of those before us and there has to be truth to something that has been around for thousands of years. Even when you look at Chinese Astrology you realize that the descriptions match up profoundly.

Astrology is a science. The brief overview of the history of Astrology found at http://www.starlightastrology.com/astrointro.htm states,"Ptolemy wrote the first modern Astrology textbook and worked from about 150-180 AD establishing the heart and soul of Astrology, which has not changed much in the way it is practiced in the West today. Astrology gave birth to the sciences of Medicine and Astronomy. For more than 2000 years and up until the 18th century, Astrology and Astronomy were the same science. You had to be educated in Astrology to become a Doctor and it was a regular course of study for Doctors during that time. Astrology and Astronomy were practiced as the same up until about 300 years ago when Uranus and Neptune were discovered. At that time, Astronomy and Astrology parted ways due to rationalism."
One may say that all of those descriptions are just generic and if you read other descriptions of other signs you will say to yourself, "oh my god that's just like me!" People think it's like when you read a psychology book and suddenly you think you have ever disorder it describes. Like I said earlier though, take the time to look up old ex's and old friends and current people in your life and maybe you will finally understand how to best get along with them, move on, etc. You may even finally be able to understand yourself a bit more too.

I have met many tortured Taurus' who understand just how much more they could be doing in life because of our greatest weakness which, as I have said before, of course is also our greatest strength as well. Realism. We are realistic people. Everyone in our lives tell us that we are too hard on ourselves. I have told people all my life that I am not hard on myself I am realistic. It was amazing to read over and over again, almost verbratum, how we as Taurus know what their full potential could be at all times. I am not saying it's a healthy thing to just accept ones shortcomings and then sit by the side and let life slip by, but I am saying that at least I can feel it is something I can per say control and work on.

Wisdom happens around us everyday in every moment it's just up to us to be open enough to see it.

Here is one more site to check out. http://www.astro.com/

There is so much more I could say (alright maybe really like a few statements here and there) but long entries equals hard times for reading for ADD like people such as myself :)

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Priceless : )

If you live in Minneapolis, you have noticed the dramatic increase of people asking for money via holding signs telling their full story of impossible sadness on a body lenth piece of cardboard. "Anything you can do to help would be appreciated," is usually the last line. Every major busy entrance/exit of the freeways has at least someone working both sides, and sometimes you notice they are working in teams. The amazing thing is that people are still doing this in the bitter cold of a winter morning or evening. There is usually someone standing by the last light just before Lyndale and Hennepin converge on my way to work, and the new guy's sign with huge, black letters on a flimsy piece of grocery bag that barely covered his face read, "Nothing under 20.00." Priceless, absolutely priceless.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Filtered

"I think it's obvious that we are not going to be friends :).....it's all good." I think that was it..hopefully not any harsher.

I can be unbearably impulsive when upset. On Tuesday, I sent a late night text message at the end of a pleasent evening of self-loathing.* Eventually, the silliness of a dead end friendship that usually amuses me changed to annoyance especially since the only thing left that binds us are the movies he borrowed. He thinks I want more than he can give even though every chance I get I tell him to, "just drop off the movies under the mailboxes in the brown basket in my building," even if I am not home. I wrote the text message for him then I realized that is applied to others as well, so off it went to multiple people. I hope you find the range of responses as interesting as I did.

Response #1
There is this new bartender in town whom I met a month or two back. While chatting with him I learned he had only been in Minneapolis 4 months and did not have any gay friends yet. So, I extended my willingness to try to become a friend. We actually did hang out once to watch "The Emporor's New Groove" and we both laughed heartily and had good conversation. Then I would call and invite him to things, or just to chat, or basically put in the effort I thought needed to establish a friendship and got nothing back. The last message I left him I stated that it was his turn to call me. For the most part the guy is really cool, but I really did not get the vibe the friendship was taking off.

He replied, "What the duce? I have been skiing in Colorado for the past couple of weeks, but I don't deal with this kind of drama, so I guess you are right."

Response #2
I met a guy a couple of weekends ago at Boom while I was waiting for my friend Frank and we chatted and the conversation was good. When Frank showed up I told the guy that it was great chatting with him and suggested that we could exchange numbers. He said, "Well you could always come back over here too to talk more." I thought that was fair enough and went over to socialize. He then came over a while later with his number and a drink. This never happens. No one ever buys me a drink :) So, we called each other the next day or so and set up a date for the following Wednesday. The date on paper went really really well. We had Sushi at this place that it seems many people don't know about and man was it good, and then we went to go see Memoir's of a Geisha which I loved. I really didn't feel things click and there were many things that sent up some flags so I was going to call him eventually and express this. Well, he texted me and invited me out and I couldn't make it, and then I sent him my message. His response? He tried to call me twice and then the next day left an apology text saying, "I have been studying a lot for the 6 hour test I have to take on the 16th. I'm sorry, call me."

Response #3
On Christmas night I went to the Saloon by myself. I had not done something like that for a long time. I sat in the video bar and had some beers and got to know the bartender who I am now in loose contact with as a friend. Across the way was another guy obviously by himself and I notice him notice me and so finally I did the "why don't you come over here" head nod. He was from San Francisco and was visiting family in Maple Grove for the holidays. I needed someone to talk to and he thought I was cute, so it worked out very well :) We both noticed this really cute guy sitting by himself at the bar so we both went over and introduced ourselves. For the rest of the night the three of us basically hung out together and I made sure that we all exchanged numbers before we got separated. Well the third guy is technically local and so for whatever reason I decided to send him the text as well even though I have not had contact with him since the night we met. I thought he would probably think, "Who the hell is this?" but instead I got a voice mail from him stating that he has been busy and that he wouldn't mind getting together some day.

Response #4
I met this guy on Gay.com and we chatted for a while, and he knew that I liked country music and so he randomly asked me if I would like to go to the concert. I said sure and had a great time. Later that night we went to the 90's and got separated and I had a blast. Needless to say that put a slight strain on any potential whatever since basically I ditched my date.

His reply to the text was, "Who is this?" :)

Response #5
Over last summer I hung out with Pauli some. Pauli is a guy who used to work for the Fringe doing money runs and I definitely was flirting with him when I first met him. Sexy, smart, artistic, and a huge goofball. Perfect! Alas he has a husband now, and I didn't really even get to know him as a friend until I randomly ran into him on a date and he invited us rollerskating which we accepted. It was tons of fun.

Ok, back to this story. Qua is someone I met through Pauli and Qua and I feel into bed one drunken night and then went on a date even. Well, as friends we clicked, but not as dating. Qua had paid for our date though and so I have always said I need to pay him back. He has not been the best at calling me back or setting things up in general and that has never been a big deal to me...or at least I thought. I sent him the message though. His response was a lengthy voice man saying things like "I will take the blame" and "If you can forgive me...and I hope you can" Just crazy. I will call him soon because he obviously has been feeling bad for a while. :)

Response #6
And how did Scott respond to the text? Basically I got a voice mail from him that went on and on and on and on so much that I didn't even listen to the whole thing. It was filled with things like, "I basically used you when I first met you...I felt I was being up front and honest....I am not looking for a best friend or someone to hang around with everyday....I think we are at different emotional levels right now." Basically, made me roll my eyes. How many times did I have to flat out tell him that I was on the same page as him, and that I was using him too, and that I had no desire to date him after I got to know him better, and I even gave him the out of just returning the movies without having to be in contact with me!

Isn't it crazy how one statement can be viewed in so many different ways? I originally thought I was being an ass to send a message like this, but in the end it proved that I sent it to the people who I needed to say such a thing to and it was honest and straight forward. I almost wish I had not sent out the apology text saying how crazy I can be sometimes. Really, I didn't mean for it to be dramatic just more of an observation. Texting can be rude thoughwith its meaning obscured, and yet each individual already had their own personal view of me and themselves and responded accordingly. I feel it turned out very positive and proved that being honest and upfront (even if it hurts ourselves or others) is the best way to deal with personal relationships.

* the term 'self-loathing' is a term I have borrowed from my friend Ron Rosenow

Friday, January 06, 2006

I like this song a lot right now

SNOW PATROL LYRICS

"Chocolate"

This could be the very minute
I'm aware I'm alive
All these places feel like home

With a name I'd never chosen
I can make my first steps
As a child of 25

This is the straw, final straw in the
Roof of my mouth as I lie to you
Just because I'm sorry doesn't mean
I didn't enjoy it at the time

You're the only thing that I love
It scares me more every day
On my knees I think clearer

Goodness knows I saw it coming
Or at least I'll claim I did
But in truth I'm lost for words

What have I done it's too late for that
What have I become truth is nothing yet
A simple mistake starts the hardest time
I promise I'll do anything you ask...this time

Jho's Place