Jho's Place

Putting it all together

My chiropractor has been giving me Adam Robbins' "motivational" CD's one at a time. I bring one home, listen to it two times, then take notes on it and do the homework given. Really it's thearpy just like the 12 steps are thearpy to me. The main idea is changing the way I think. In some circles this is called cognative/behavioral therapy. Adam presents it rather simply. I go through life craving pleasure and trying to avoid pain and I go about it in a rather backwards manner. In counceling I have said things like, "The only way I can really understand true happiness is if I experience utter and total depravity," and "I act out with food, sex, and substances to keep myself grounded and stay humble." This past weekend I had a major slip and I have wanted to focus on all the negatives that surround it and not give myself the easy way out, and yet I always feel a sense of renewal when I do this. I attribute all the positive ways of thinking and progress I have made as a person to my darkest moments in life thus I attribute the extreme punishment I put my body, mind and spirit through as a means to the ulimate pleasure of appreciating life. This is a breakthrough thought for me. I have really thought this on some level but never had the words to put to it or have I felt the hope that I can change this destructive thought pattern. I honestly don't know how to move forward from this yet, but now I know that I must train myself to see that creating pleasure in my life will reap the ultimate pleasure of appreciating life on life's terms. What a task.

posted by makeisweet @ 10:37 AM