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"I think it's obvious that we are not going to be friends :).....it's all good." I think that was it..hopefully not any harsher.

I can be unbearably impulsive when upset. On Tuesday, I sent a late night text message at the end of a pleasent evening of self-loathing.* Eventually, the silliness of a dead end friendship that usually amuses me changed to annoyance especially since the only thing left that binds us are the movies he borrowed. He thinks I want more than he can give even though every chance I get I tell him to, "just drop off the movies under the mailboxes in the brown basket in my building," even if I am not home. I wrote the text message for him then I realized that is applied to others as well, so off it went to multiple people. I hope you find the range of responses as interesting as I did.






Response #1
There is this new bartender in town whom I met a month or two back. While chatting with him I learned he had only been in Minneapolis 4 months and did not have any gay friends yet. So, I extended my willingness to try to become a friend. We actually did hang out once to watch "The Emporor's New Groove" and we both laughed heartily and had good conversation. Then I would call and invite him to things, or just to chat, or basically put in the effort I thought needed to establish a friendship and got nothing back. The last message I left him I stated that it was his turn to call me. For the most part the guy is really cool, but I really did not get the vibe the friendship was taking off.

He replied, "What the duce? I have been skiing in Colorado for the past couple of weeks, but I don't deal with this kind of drama, so I guess you are right."



Response #2
I met a guy a couple of weekends ago at Boom while I was waiting for my friend Frank and we chatted and the conversation was good. When Frank showed up I told the guy that it was great chatting with him and suggested that we could exchange numbers. He said, "Well you could always come back over here too to talk more." I thought that was fair enough and went over to socialize. He then came over a while later with his number and a drink. This never happens. No one ever buys me a drink :) So, we called each other the next day or so and set up a date for the following Wednesday. The date on paper went really really well. We had Sushi at this place that it seems many people don't know about and man was it good, and then we went to go see Memoir's of a Geisha which I loved. I really didn't feel things click and there were many things that sent up some flags so I was going to call him eventually and express this. Well, he texted me and invited me out and I couldn't make it, and then I sent him my message. His response? He tried to call me twice and then the next day left an apology text saying, "I have been studying a lot for the 6 hour test I have to take on the 16th. I'm sorry, call me."

Response #3
On Christmas night I went to the Saloon by myself. I had not done something like that for a long time. I sat in the video bar and had some beers and got to know the bartender who I am now in loose contact with as a friend. Across the way was another guy obviously by himself and I notice him notice me and so finally I did the "why don't you come over here" head nod. He was from San Francisco and was visiting family in Maple Grove for the holidays. I needed someone to talk to and he thought I was cute, so it worked out very well :) We both noticed this really cute guy sitting by himself at the bar so we both went over and introduced ourselves. For the rest of the night the three of us basically hung out together and I made sure that we all exchanged numbers before we got separated. Well the third guy is technically local and so for whatever reason I decided to send him the text as well even though I have not had contact with him since the night we met. I thought he would probably think, "Who the hell is this?" but instead I got a voice mail from him stating that he has been busy and that he wouldn't mind getting together some day.

Response #4
I met this guy on Gay.com and we chatted for a while, and he knew that I liked country music and so he randomly asked me if I would like to go to the concert. I said sure and had a great time. Later that night we went to the 90's and got separated and I had a blast. Needless to say that put a slight strain on any potential whatever since basically I ditched my date.

His reply to the text was, "Who is this?" :)

Response #5
Over last summer I hung out with Pauli some. Pauli is a guy who used to work for the Fringe doing money runs and I definitely was flirting with him when I first met him. Sexy, smart, artistic, and a huge goofball. Perfect! Alas he has a husband now, and I didn't really even get to know him as a friend until I randomly ran into him on a date and he invited us rollerskating which we accepted. It was tons of fun.

Ok, back to this story. Qua is someone I met through Pauli and Qua and I feel into bed one drunken night and then went on a date even. Well, as friends we clicked, but not as dating. Qua had paid for our date though and so I have always said I need to pay him back. He has not been the best at calling me back or setting things up in general and that has never been a big deal to me...or at least I thought. I sent him the message though. His response was a lengthy voice man saying things like "I will take the blame" and "If you can forgive me...and I hope you can" Just crazy. I will call him soon because he obviously has been feeling bad for a while. :)

Response #6
And how did Scott respond to the text? Basically I got a voice mail from him that went on and on and on and on so much that I didn't even listen to the whole thing. It was filled with things like, "I basically used you when I first met you...I felt I was being up front and honest....I am not looking for a best friend or someone to hang around with everyday....I think we are at different emotional levels right now." Basically, made me roll my eyes. How many times did I have to flat out tell him that I was on the same page as him, and that I was using him too, and that I had no desire to date him after I got to know him better, and I even gave him the out of just returning the movies without having to be in contact with me!



Isn't it crazy how one statement can be viewed in so many different ways? I originally thought I was being an ass to send a message like this, but in the end it proved that I sent it to the people who I needed to say such a thing to and it was honest and straight forward. I almost wish I had not sent out the apology text saying how crazy I can be sometimes. Really, I didn't mean for it to be dramatic just more of an observation. Texting can be rude thoughwith its meaning obscured, and yet each individual already had their own personal view of me and themselves and responded accordingly. I feel it turned out very positive and proved that being honest and upfront (even if it hurts ourselves or others) is the best way to deal with personal relationships.



* the term 'self-loathing' is a term I have borrowed from my friend Ron Rosenow

posted by makeisweet @ 6:09 AM