Jho's Place

With my Dad, Brother and Me

Tuesday I went to a baseball game with my Father and Brother. I can't even tell you the last time I remember my three of us guys just doing something. I have to admit it was an amazing, positive experience. My dad was over hyper and excited and it was cute. My brother actually was rolling his eyes and smiling at him too and making the situation calmer in his own way. I am not sure if I have mentioned this before, but my mom and I went to these classes about Mental Illness at some church when I was in maybe 10th grade. It was there that I learned that often times there is a role reversal with siblings who are mentally ill. A light bulb went off and I realized it was really true, or at least I had been behaving as such with my brother. I have heard that the youngest is the jokester of the family usually while the oldest is the serious keep everyone in line super responsible one. I definitely have not been the jokester around my family while my brother has and it my brother used to remind me all the time that he was "four years older than you." I have learned to accept my father and love him just for how he is and for how he does his best to get by in the world. I know that he means well and has a very sensitive heart and I get him because we are very similar. My brother on the other hand I have always never been able to let go of being "older brother" simply because I never knew how his behavior would be and how rational he would be thinking any particular day. It has been so amazing lately to be around him. It has been a good 6 months that he has been really someone I can talk to. I almost don't know how to react, but it really feels good. At the game he made me laugh, I mean seriously laugh. I don't know the last time that happened for me. After the game I told him how to get back to my place and he did not argue with me and actually just listened and took my advice, assessed it, and drove me home without me fearing getting stuck. Come to think of it after Adam's Funeral he let me drive his car. Maybe these things seem like not a big deal, but with my brother they are milestone. This is getting long, but I really wanted to express how nice it was to just interact with my brother. I felt like I really had a brother. I don't even remember when I had that feeling last.

posted by makeisweet @ 8:25 AM