Jho's Place

Just To See You Smile
(Mark Nesler/Tony Martin)


You always had an eye for things that glittered
But I was far from being made of gold
I don't know how but I scraped up the money
I just never could quite tell you no

Just like when you were leaving Amarillo
Takin' that new job in Tennessee
And I quit mine so we could be together
I can't forget the way you looked at me

Just to see you smile
I'd do anything that you wanted me to
When all is said and done
I'd never count the cost
It's worth all that's lost
Just to see you smile

When you said time was all you really needed
I walked away and let you have your space
'Cause leavin' didn't hurt me near as badly
As the tears I saw rollin' down your face

And yesterday I knew just what you wanted
When you came walkin' up to me with him
So I told you that I was happy for you
And given the chance I'd lie again

Just to see you smile
I'd do anything that you wanted me to
When all is said and done
I'd never count the cost
It's worth all that's lost
Just to see you smile

Just to see you smile
I'd do anything that you wanted me to
When all is said and done
I'd never count the cost
It's worth all that's lost
Just to see you smile

(found at www.lyrics.com, sung by Tim McGraw)



And now for something copletely different. Changing at the NorthWest Athletic Club free locker area, and having to leave my towel on while I slip on my underwear, is no longer a hangup. Communal showers do not frighten me anymore since I realize I can't see the other guys anyways without my glasses. Exposing myself to my fellow man during a Twins game while using the wall length trough ceases to make me flinch. I am proud of these things actualy; yet for all the things that I have gotten over and used to in life, one would think wearing something appropiate for lap swimming would not make me nervous. Why was I nervous?
I recently aquired a rather skimpy swimsuit from, well let's just call him a special friend. It's speedo like, but with a "box" cut so not as scandelous. It still rides up your butt though and you can't help but wonder, "what can I stuff the front of this with so that won't dissinegrate or expand beyond what is believable?" Was it the fact that it was kind of a "gay" swimsuit? You bet that was one of the issues. I mean how gay is it to have a suit that is beyond the utility of a speedo and moves into fashion. The man who gave them to me had three or four such suits each one louder than the next, and my favorite was the one that was tan and yellow with a huge British flag all over the ass and smaller ones with palm trees and beaches on the front. "This type of suit is for when you go to the Mediterrian, Europe or when you are in South Beach," said such man in his Greek accent, and his very matter of fact delivery made it seem everyone traveled to these places all the time. So cute. How gay was that description though? "I wasn't aware you were trying to hide it." That put things into perspective for that moment.
The next day I was talking to my mom, before walking into the gym, about how weird "this feeling is. I mean the last time I wore a speedo was when I was in Jr. High and I could care less then." And that's when people are meant to feel the most akward about their bodies. I love that line in Amercian Beauty where the Dad says that his daughter is a typical teenager, angry, uncertain of the world, and that he would like to tell her the feelings would end, but he wouldn't want to lie to her. I have love handles, and no matter how many people say they love my body I still know they did not exist before. Granted I am basically 30 and these things happen, but to wear a tight fitting black swimsuit with a huge red stipe off the side with a giant white plus sign in the middle of that red stripe is bound to showcase all that excess ice cream, pizza, and peanut m&m's I have consumed this past year. Oh yes, and it's only over this last year. I was way sexier a year ago and "I don't care what you say you don't see me without a shirt everyday" But I am not going to stop eating because food helps. Ahem, so, I changed in the locker room no sweat, I used the public facilites, and I showered like a good swimmer should before heading down the hallway toward the door that lead to the stairway and too the pool. Goggles in hand, I boldly entered the swim area with my towel so snug around my waist I could feel it creating pillow like marks on my thighs.

posted by makeisweet @ 7:32 PM