The funny Thanksgiving stories
This is a correspodance I had today with my friend Mark Franko. I forgot about this good story and his is funnier still.
[13:07]
kindarandom_now: buddy!
[13:15] kingoffringeville: Hello
[13:15] kingoffringeville: How was your weekend?
[13:16]
kindarandom_now: ummm....a combination of relaxation, boredom, and entertaining :)
[13:16]
kindarandom_now: and only a couple of decent stories to tell from Thanksgiving.
[13:16] kingoffringeville: Sounds like an interesting combo
[13:17]
kindarandom_now: yea...each day was filled with a little bit of each
[13:17] kingoffringeville: Holiday stories are the best
[13:17]
kindarandom_now: yea...I realize I do have a good one now from Thanksgiving.
[13:17]
kindarandom_now: it's more of a visual story though.
[13:18] kingoffringeville: I see.
[13:18] kingoffringeville: I have a few interesting stories too.
[13:18]
kindarandom_now: I will tell you mine anyway if you tell me yours :)
[13:18] kingoffringeville: Wish I was not so busy this week we could go out and swap stories
[13:18]
kindarandom_now: ahhh...yea...that's too bad
[13:22] kingoffringeville: Are you going to share your story?
[13:32]
kindarandom_now: you see I was going to call you this weekend, but I think that you are with your guy...I know how that is not true, but I know that how friends think when their friends start dating :)
[13:32]
kindarandom_now: ahh
[13:32]
kindarandom_now: my story
[13:33]
kindarandom_now: we kind of had an impromptu meeting
[13:33]
kindarandom_now: and I need to send a courier quick...so one sec
[13:37]
kindarandom_now: ok, so the only real good story is that my sister had Thanksgiving at her house this year
[13:37]
kindarandom_now: and so she invited over everyone
[13:37]
kindarandom_now: her mother-in-law, father-in-law, sister-in-law and her kids and my family. Well there was a TON of food
[13:37]
kindarandom_now: so it was all set up in the kitchen Buffet Style and so everyone
[13:38]
kindarandom_now: just took their plates, filled them up, and started to eat as they sat down
[13:38]
kindarandom_now: my mom was sitting directly in front of me, and when she sat down I saw
[13:40]
kindarandom_now: a pious kind of look cross over her face as she
[13:41]
kindarandom_now: looked around at everyone and then she bent her head down and closed her eyes, and looked up righteously (sp?)
[13:41]
kindarandom_now: so I asked her, "So mom did you just pray?"
[13:41]
kindarandom_now: and she said, "Yes, I just said a prayer for myself"
[13:41]
kindarandom_now:lol
[13:41]
kindarandom_now: my sister recovered nicely but it was so great to see how she can create drama out of any moment.
[13:42]
kindarandom_now: and now your turn
[13:42] kingoffringeville: My sister is offically trailer trash
[13:42]
kindarandom_now: lol
[13:43] kingoffringeville: Met her boyfriend who is 58 yrs old, my mother is 57. My sister is only 34
[13:43] kingoffringeville: She is apparently engaged to this man but she did not tell me or my other sister about it.
[13:43] kingoffringeville: The guy bought the ring in a gas station for $3.99
[13:44] kindarandom_now: you are lying
[13:44] kingoffringeville: he told her he would buy her a better ring later but she said she likes the ring and would rather have a 4x4.
[13:44] kingoffringeville: She will be living in upstate NY with the other hillbillies in Jan
Thanksgiving
Sadly, there is not much to report from Thanksgiving. It really went very smooth. I think that had a lot to do with the fact that the whole extended family for Nolan was there. Everyone had someone they could relate to. My brother and Tom's dad both had brought their hats and gloves so they could go for a winter walk in the 19, though it felt like 7, degree weather. My dad and Tom's mom were both fidgety enough to cancel each other out. Tom's sister's youngest, who is probably 6, and Nolan were playmates. Tom and Joy mainly just dealt with themselves of course, and the rest of us Tom's sister and her kids Mariko, Jack, my mom and me, seemed to find a balance in the fact that we all were mainly peacemakers. The best part of having both sides of the family there is that Tom's mom, Suji?, is Thai so there is a whole other meal that is brought besides the traditional Thanksgiving fair. Suji made Taboli, I think it is called, and I guess it can be something different everytime. Tom's sister was teasing Jack who was unsure about eating the spicy creation and when I took my first bite I understood why. It was way too chewy. It was like having calamari mixed up with small green leaves and hamburger and "Thai spices" which a secret incredient Suji did not want to share. After about 5 minutes of talking about it Suji finally admitted that is was cow intestine that was chewy. Maybe that would seem slightly gross but I reminded Jack that hot dogs are made out of intestine. I still didn't want to eat it myself though since really the texture was not something I wanted to deal with. At the same time, Suji had also brought a ton of raw fresh vegatables and pinaple and it really added to the buffet. And it was a buffet. Man there was a TON of food, and the Cheese Cake and the Pumpkin pie was HUGE! We ended the evening by playing pictionary which is always amusing when my sister is playing because she will switch herself to whatever team is winning, and she will make comments about how she is the only who plays fair so you will feel bad and let her cheating slide. Also we watched the tradtional Howard movie of Plains, Trains, and Automoblies. Love that show. Can't complain, really can't.
Creativity
So , I decided that I don't need to write things only once a week, but I still think there will be one major story once a week. All I know is I want to share something that happened on Saturday. The woman at the counter at NorthWest Atheltic Club is one I have said hello to many times and she has always been sweet. Her name is Nicole, I know now, and she works with teenagers during the day for her real job. She told me this because they were about to open a store at the school so the kids could learn how to save and spend their money responsibly. I was buying a MOJO health bar before my swim and her eyes shined and as she hopped up and down she exclaimed, "That would be a perfect name for the store!" The only problem was it could not simply be called MOJO the letters actually had to represent something. "Wait, you have to help me think of something for the letters." Being the guy that I am, of course I put down my bag and started to ponder. "Ummm....My own.....My own Junk?.....Money of juice?" We were struggling. Her ideas were just as flimsy as my own, and then it hit me; we did not need to come up with an exact match for the letters we just needed to incorporate them. Well I came up with Money for junk store. Nicole was alirght with it, "but you need to come up with one more idea before you leave tonight and I have to think of one more too." "You realize I will have this on my brain now as I am swimming my laps," I said; however, it only took the time for me to change into my skimpy swimsuit to come up with something that fit. So, I covered up my semi-naked body and ran back upstairs. "My Money Adjustment Store!" She loved it, but somehow she had already managed to call a girlfriend of her's who had told her that MOJO has sexual contotations. "Yea, in Austin Powers it kind of refers to the labido (sp?), but it is more of an energy thing. Like the auroa you put out." Considering that I had just bought a health bar called MOJO should have made that clear enough, but I did not think of that example at the time. "Well, I will use it anyway. The director is less hip on the times than I am even, so he will have no clue." I hope she went with it.
Creativity can happen any time any place and with anyone, it's just up to us to notice it in ourselves and in others and to never put it down.
Mom's Messed Up (birthday) part 6
The crazy part is that all of this really does not even give the evening justice or tell the whole tale. I really think I could write a one act play with all the material from the night, but the best story is the one that I did not even witness. What you are about to read is more like a joke that you could tell your friends. Make them think it's your family. Maybe use one of the stories just written or take it from one of your favorite "Mom and Dad" stories you have heard me tell over the years. No matter how you set it up, it will always get a laugh.
My dad, brother and sister are all sitting on the couch and in that order.
Brother: "Hey Dad, would you let me take that magazine back to the hospital with me to read?"
Dad: Pausing, heming and hawing, pausing, looking hesitant, "I don't know I paid four dollars for that at the Libary."
Brother: "What if I gave you two dollars?"
Dad: With a look of consideration, then shaking head, "Yea, I could give it to you for two dollars."
Brother: "Put I don't have two dollars"
Sister: Listening to everything, throws up her hands in disbelief and shooting a disgusted look at my dad, "You know Paul I have two dollars."
Digging into her purse Joy pulls out two dollars. My brother promptly takes out of her hand, only to have my father quickly snatch it out of Paul's hand. My dad then quickly placed the money into his pocket and finally handed the magazine to brother
Right after Nolan was born my dad said to me, with an amused/mischievous smile, "I can't wait to mess with a little kids mind." And while he laughed to himself at his joke I stated blankly, "You already have Dad."
Mom's Messed Up (birthday) part 5
Notice I have not really mentioned Nolan in this whole story yet? That is because the little child was sweetly oblivious to any and all situations happening. Gotta love that kid. Just smiling while I looked over at him, not noticing my mom's frustration when he was not paying enough attention to her, and dancing like a mad man when any type of music was played. He basically was doing a great job of saving the day; Then the crazy adults would get involved. Nolan is finally speaking clearly and has taken to generalizing things. Like anything that is small, plastic, and an animal with four legs is a horse, anyone with a large noticeable beard is called Paul (my brother has a pretty out of control bushy beard), and most everything else is "Ouch" so he can get attention when he wants it. So, my dad and brother were sitting on the couch so close to each other that their knees were touching and poor little Nolan was smashed inbetween them. My sister, mom and I (Tom was not in the house at this point) were sitting at the table and I noticed my brother and dad locking hands to forearms all above Nolans head as if he was not there. "No, clasp down on me like you mean it, like a wrestling move!," said my brother and my father complied while little Nolan looked up and freaked out. My sister imeditately turned her head around like she was possed by the same demon from The Exorcist and an annoyed mother tone, "What are you guys doing!," as my brother and dad looked up like the toddlers they were behaving like and said almost in unison, "Just shaking hands." Joy picks up Nolan and Nolan starts pointing at my brother crying out, "Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!" "Paul you better apologize to Nolan right now or else he may never want to talk to you again. I'm serious, there is this one kid that he was playing with at day care and he said ouch about him and now Nolan won't play with him anymore. Now you hold him. That's good (ouch! ouch!). See he is getting better already, now read him the Buzz Light year book. There see now he likes you again." All the while my mom and dad and speaking encouraging, nurtering word like, "You like Uncle Paul, don't you?, " and, "To infinity and beyond!" My brother had it right on the nose though, "Do you ever think you might just be spoiling him?," but no one seemed to notice but me as I watched silenting amused and quietly shaking my head thinking, "Poor little Nolan. Born into this crazy family."
Mom's Messed Up (birthday) part 4
Ok, that was the story of Tom and Joy fighting and there is so much more to go. While we were eating it was very evident that my brother's meds were being changed. Paul was in great spirits if not just a tad manic in a very uppidy, happy way. Oh course this gave my dad license to bulge out his eyes at everthing movement Paul made which of course ment that at any moment either hilarity or a fist fight may ensue. My mom had the utmost look of concern and pathetic pleaing that expressed that she knew whatever she requested would not happy whilst she said in a scowling voice, "Don't you start Doug!" This just always ads fuel to the fire for my dad of course because just like every man, even the gay man, deep down we are like a toddler/child and just want attention. First, my brother combined gingerale, this gross chocolate black cherry pop my mom had bought (and she was pouty about because no one else liked it), and the last of the hot cider from Caribou Joy had bought for him earlier. My dad took this as his cue to start his usual staring while my brother poured out some salad dressing and said what I have heard my whole life, "Watch out. That opening on the lid is huge and you are going to use too much salad dressing and that is exactly what they want you to do!" My dad was on the alert, and then the critical moment happened. My brother was eating too much in my dad's eyes (and honestly to my mom and I did too, but what do you do...the guy was happy manic and who wants to have it turn into angry manic?) and horros of horrors my brother went into the kitchen to get more pizza. My dad started taping his fingers on the table,one piece on the plate, then culred them up clenching his fists, two pieces on the plate, and then his eyes to roll into the back of his head, four pieces on the plate, and while the fourth piece was being places on the plate he bellowing, "That's a lot of pizza, Paul!" In which my brother replied, "I know," and walked back toward the table. I could care less what would happen next, but it was my mothers birthday and so for her sake I slipped into my old family role and said, "Paul could I have a piece?" And he said, "Sure! I didn't just get it for myself you know." WHEW! My mom quickly picked up on what to do and asked for a piece herself. Yet another fire put out.
Gay bared out
It's about time to write a little something. It doesn't really matter what the something is at this time in the morning because I am not awake yet anyway. It's been an interesting week to say the least. I didn't show up to work on Monday because I had so much fun on Sunday night and had a little too much fun, but it would be the second time in a row that I have been at the 90's that I have had an all and all out blast. I just love a place where I can go and not know ANYONE and they don't "know" me. I say this because just because people may see me out does not mean they really have any clue what I am like as a person. And the 90's is 18+ night and younger guys are just so much cooler and nicer to talk to and I really think they don't assume all you want to do is sleep with them...they are still in the state of mind that you actually just want to have fun. I am kind of on this rant though because last night I met up with my friend Chip (I always have to say "You know my friend who lives in St. Cloud who is a Doctor and the lightbulb always goes off) at Boom for his birthday and then he wanted to head over to the Townhouse. I have always loved the townhouse on a Wednesday night...well because it was all about fun. Nobody constantly looking for a hook-up or assuming that you want one and also everyone just willing to smile and have fun with everyone else. Not last night. People have heard it's the place to go now on a Wednesday and basically it plain sucked. The DJ thinks he is all that now and won't play songs you request or play song that run the gammet of music, I barely danced. And it was all the same people that you ALWAYS see at the saloon week after week after week or you assume so because anytime you decide to go out there they are. Chip had a blast...and he should...it was his birthday, but I was wishing real quick that I had driven myself there. And now I smell like smoke because I put on the same pants I had on last night :) I do this a lot....where the same pants without washing them first, but usually I don't smell horrible because of doing so. And now my friend want to go to the Bolt/Eagle for 3-4-1's on Friday and I already suggested that I could meet my friend/"roommate" Eric at the Bolt on Sunday for Showtune night. I am going out to the gay bar outed this week, but if it's the way to see my friends I am willing.
Mom's Messed Up (birthday) part 3
Soon it was 6:30 and my mom and dad were getting antsy, as they always do when he they are hungry, so I called my sister on her cell phone to ask what their status was. "You know we could not pick up Paul until 6pm," she said without he usual tone of annoyance. I could not figure out the tone acutally. So I decided to suggest that
I wanted some food and so that gave my parents permission to eat something to. At about 7pm my brother walked in the door and soon Joy and Tom's two dogs, Gus and Wally, sprang into the living room along with Nolan and Joy following behind; Joy had a large pizza in her hands and Nolan's baby bag busting at the seems. And then she was gone. Paul said, "Oh, I think they are going to over Tom's mom's to give her the car, or do a car swap or something." The next thing I noticed was that Gus was just laying in the wing backed chair even though the table was now full of food. Not like any dog in general and definately not like Gus. I thought it was because no one was paying attention to him in all the commotion. Of course Nolan is now the star, so both my parents black lab Jake and Gus get a little stan-off-ish if they are not given a proper greeting. So I went over to pet Gus and sure enough he was begging with the rest of them. "Joy and Tom sure have been gone a long time," said my mom. Well it turned out they had gone nowhere since my mom peered outside. "The car is still out there
" Yes, they were sitting in the driveway. Turns out they had a fight before they got to the house. Tom's mom did call and did ask that they return the car and Joy overreacted (so unlike a Howard ) and started yelling I am sure about how, "It's my mom's birthday and your mom can wait!" I am sure more than that was said, but how am I to guess except to make this a more interesting story, but it's already going to be long enough. Joy eventually came in without Tom looking throughly gloomy and not saying much. Every now and then she would bring some pizza out to Tom until maybe about two hours later he came in.
Mom's Messed Up (birthday) part 2
So, since I had nothing better to do, I drove to my parents house and thought I would just hang out with them a touch early. As I walked toward the bathroom, on the main level, I noticed a long piece of spare carpet covering the Pergo wood floor, both of which had been installed over the summer during a majoy renovation of the townhome, that lead to the garage door. I smiled amused to myself. They should have just put carpet down in the first place in that area if all they were going to do was cover the Pergo. "Why did you put the piece of carpet down, Dad?," 'cause I knew he's the one who did it. "Oh, Jake gets so excitable when he thinks he's going for a walk, so I don't want him to scratch up the floor." Then, before I reached the door of the bathroom my dad continued, "You should go check out all the work that we have done in the garage." Now, the thing to understand is that my mom and dad have not been able to get two cars in their two car garage for many many years because it is so full things my dad has bought at garage sales. Random furniture, stereo equipment, noodles for the pool, and tons and tons of books. "We got rid of a lot of stuff, don't ya think?" I was looking inside the garage at their blue, ford, mini, station wagon and the fortress of books and lied, "Yea it looks a lot better." My dad has made the bookshelves in the garage on his own out of found brick and random pieces of wood that line up both sides of the garage. Actually the only thing differnt I did not notice was my dad had added a nice homey touch, a sort of decor for the garage. Leaning against the books were trinkets and a "pastoral couple" picture from 1998 of my mom and dad, from when he thought he may become a pastor again, and two others where one and a lake sceen with flying geese and the other of a nature seen with a bear standing paws outstretched. Both pictures fully covered by generic gold leaf.
