Mom's Messed Up (birthday) part 1
Everytime I visit my parents, or if my parents are involved with something, there is always a good story to share with everyone. Recently, my mom turned 54. I have been describing this blessed event as, "a glorious, amusing, close to melt down mess." For those who know me, you will understand how I have turned out the way that I am, for those who don't, you may be just a little scared and hopefully amused all at the same time.
My mom called me at 3:30 on Friday, Oct. 21st, asking me if I could pick my brother up from the hospital. Now you may be concerned about WHY my brother was in the hospital. He has Bi-Polar and he was in for a med change, or more specifically to get him off Seraquil (sp?). This is nothing new. My brother has been in and out of hospitals since he was 16 and even spent a stint in the annoys State Hospital which is where they send the craziest of the crazies though that was a mistake since he was not all that bad. When I say not all that bad, I mean it in a working with EBD kids kind of way. When you first walk in you are like, "I need to get the hell out of here. These kids are out of conrtol and gonna kill me!," and then you stay and help out in class for a week and realize you actually showed up on a good day. Well Paul was having a good day though hyped up day. Paul left me two messages asking me to pick him up that I noticed on my way to the gym for my swim that happened to be before my mom had called me. So I guessed I had enough time to get the swim in and head over to Coon Rapids and get to Mercy Hospital by 6pm which is when his pass started. When I was walking back from the gym I noticed he had left another two messages this time saying that since he had not heard back from me that he would be having Joy and Tom pick him up. This made much more sense since Joy and Tom basically lived near the border of Coon Rapids, but I have always been the good son who always steps up to the plate so I was the first called. I was positioned to play "Jon" for the rest of the evening.
What is a Friend?
WHAT IS A FRIEND?What is a friend? I will tell you. It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself.
Your soul can be naked with him.
He seems to ask of you to put on nothing, only to be what you are. He does not want you to be better or worse.
When you are with him, you feel as a prisoner feels who has been declared innocent.
You do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think, so long as it is genuinely you. He understands those contradictions in your nature that lead others to misjudge you.
With him you breathe freely.
You can avow your little vanities and envies and hates and vicious sparks, your meannesses and absurdities and, in opening them up to him, they are lost, dissolved on the white ocean of his loyalty.
He understands. You do not have to be careful. You can abuse him, neglect him, tolerate him. Best of all, you can keep still with him. It makes no matter. He likes you - he is like fire that purges to the bone.
He understands. He understands.
You can weep with him, sin with him, laugh with him, pray with him. Through it all - and underneath - he sees, knows and loves you.
A friend? What is a friend? Just one, I repeat, with whom you dare to be yourself.
- C. Raymond Beran-
Is chatting on your cell phone different than talking to your neighboor at the library?
I hate people....especially self righteous people who think that if you are being respectful by being quite on your cell phone and whispering in the same way that you would if you were chatting with your neighboor that it is different. Is it different that you are on your cell phone as opposed to chatting with your neighboor. According to the self righteous girl by the window it is...as does the guy who gave me a glaring look...so I gave him a very sacrastic glaring look back at him. I think that people need to lighten up...or am I wrong...please discuss.
Just To See You Smile
(Mark Nesler/Tony Martin)
You always had an eye for things that glittered
But I was far from being made of gold
I don't know how but I scraped up the money
I just never could quite tell you no
Just like when you were leaving Amarillo
Takin' that new job in Tennessee
And I quit mine so we could be together
I can't forget the way you looked at me
Just to see you smile
I'd do anything that you wanted me to
When all is said and done
I'd never count the cost
It's worth all that's lost
Just to see you smile
When you said time was all you really needed
I walked away and let you have your space
'Cause leavin' didn't hurt me near as badly
As the tears I saw rollin' down your face
And yesterday I knew just what you wanted
When you came walkin' up to me with him
So I told you that I was happy for you
And given the chance I'd lie again
Just to see you smile
I'd do anything that you wanted me to
When all is said and done
I'd never count the cost
It's worth all that's lost
Just to see you smile
Just to see you smile
I'd do anything that you wanted me to
When all is said and done
I'd never count the cost
It's worth all that's lost
Just to see you smile
(found at
www.lyrics.com, sung by Tim McGraw)
And now for something copletely different. Changing at the NorthWest Athletic Club free locker area, and having to leave my towel on while I slip on my underwear, is no longer a hangup. Communal showers do not frighten me anymore since I realize I can't see the other guys anyways without my glasses. Exposing myself to my fellow man during a Twins game while using the wall length trough ceases to make me flinch. I am proud of these things actualy; yet for all the things that I have gotten over and used to in life, one would think wearing something appropiate for lap swimming would not make me nervous. Why was I nervous?
I recently aquired a rather skimpy swimsuit from, well let's just call him a special friend. It's speedo like, but with a "box" cut so not as scandelous. It still rides up your butt though and you can't help but wonder, "what can I stuff the front of this with so that won't dissinegrate or expand beyond what is believable?" Was it the fact that it was kind of a "gay" swimsuit? You bet that was one of the issues. I mean how gay is it to have a suit that is beyond the utility of a speedo and moves into fashion. The man who gave them to me had three or four such suits each one louder than the next, and my favorite was the one that was tan and yellow with a huge British flag all over the ass and smaller ones with palm trees and beaches on the front. "This type of suit is for when you go to the Mediterrian, Europe or when you are in South Beach," said such man in his Greek accent, and his very matter of fact delivery made it seem everyone traveled to these places all the time. So cute. How gay was that description though? "I wasn't aware you were trying to hide it." That put things into perspective for that moment.
The next day I was talking to my mom, before walking into the gym, about how weird "this feeling is. I mean the last time I wore a speedo was when I was in Jr. High and I could care less then." And that's when people are meant to feel the most akward about their bodies. I love that line in Amercian Beauty where the Dad says that his daughter is a typical teenager, angry, uncertain of the world, and that he would like to tell her the feelings would end, but he wouldn't want to lie to her. I have love handles, and no matter how many people say they love my body I still know they did not exist before. Granted I am basically 30 and these things happen, but to wear a tight fitting black swimsuit with a huge red stipe off the side with a giant white plus sign in the middle of that red stripe is bound to showcase all that excess ice cream, pizza, and peanut m&m's I have consumed this past year. Oh yes, and it's only over this last year. I was way sexier a year ago and "I don't care what you say you don't see me without a shirt everyday" But I am not going to stop eating because food helps. Ahem, so, I changed in the locker room no sweat, I used the public facilites, and I showered like a good swimmer should before heading down the hallway toward the door that lead to the stairway and too the pool. Goggles in hand, I boldly entered the swim area with my towel so snug around my waist I could feel it creating pillow like marks on my thighs.
Silly Pictures
Somehow I noticed that Trampled by Turtles were playing at Pizza Luce in Duluth and decided to send an e-mail to Ron about heading up their as a mini road trip. Of course Ron was game, and of course I forgot about my own plans. The Monday before the weekend we were to go up we had our monthly 3531 Lyndale Ave S. Association meeting, and during this meeting I decided it was time we all started doing something about all the building work we had been talking about for over a year. So, I got Matt, Amanda and Joe to commit to work on Saturday at 11AM. See, Saturday is when Ron and I were to go up to Duluth, so I had to explain to Ron that we could not leave until 3. The work day was amazing. It felt so good to have almost all the owners there and all of us doing something productive for the building. It finally felt like we were a little community. I was originally worried I would be too tired after working, but I was actually energized, so off Ron and I went to Duluth. It was a chatty drive up talking about my experiences with a converted apartment to a Condo, Ron just bought one himself, and Ron's plans to teach abroad in the next year. Upon arrival, we went straight to Pizza Luce and bought our tickets and sat down for dinner. I could have sat facing opposite of Ron, but then I would have been staring into two drab, double swing doors with two round windows too high to see into the dead shopping area behind them. So, Ron and I were the "gay" couple. That was fun. When we had bought the tickets we learned the show didn't actually start until 10PM and even then there were two openers. We were done eating by 8. I told Ron, "we should drive over to Superior and check out the gay bars." "Are there no gay bars in Duluth?" "Nope." Superior and Duluth are night and day cities. It's kind of like going to Detroit and then crossing under, because you go through a tunnel, to Windsor. I have never been to Windsor because I forgot my passport when I visited my friends there, but I could see it from the banks of Detroit. Such a pristine pretty looking city that sucked the life out of Detroit by those damn Canandians coming over for higher paying wages and then bringing the money back to Windsor! Now don't take me too seriously. It's drab in Superior, and I doubt people go from Duluth to Superior to work, yet I have had some real good times there. It was too early, and the bars are scarier sober, so we decided to head back to Duluth. Driving over the bridge back to 35 we wondered what all the blinking red towers were for and decided to find them. The adventure of finding the origin of the multiple red lights was worth it. We wound up and up and up until we found the dirt road that took us inbetween all the multiple towers. Ron stopped the car turned off the lights and let the car radio subtly stream "As Time Goes By" while we looked at the stars surrounded by quiet blinking lights. I said, "If we were dating we would be slow dancing right now." Instead we took silly pictures. And that's something I don't want to forget.
It's not Sunday
Lyrics: (my favorite part is at the end where it goes do do do do.....)
Ice Cream
your love is better than ice cream
better than anything else that i've tried
and your love is better than ice cream
everyone here knows how to fight
and it's a long way down
it's a long way down
it's a long way down to the place where we've started from
your love is better than chocolate
better than anything else that i've tried
and oh love is better than chocolate
everyone here knows how to cry
and it's a long way down
it's a long way down
it's a long way down to the place where we've started from
do do do....
(from Fumbling Towards Ecstasy (1993)also found on Mirrorball (1999) by, Sarah McLahlan
found at
www.lyrics.com)
Notes:
It's not Sunday, but I was moody on Sunday so I probably would have wrote about rain and dead puppies so this is better. Basically I am in good spirits today because last night something magical happened. I figured out how to scam gay.com from work. I have not been able to do this since they filter for "adult content" through some service called....now wait just a second I just went to pull up the gay.com and it worked without a fuss. What's going on here! True the other day I was trying to scam the security system settings on my computer, but would IT have noticed and decided it was ok to feed my addiction? I don't think it's an addicition really...I will inform you all if that actually starts to happen....again. Well not as exciting of news as it once was I shall tell you a few other things that are making me happy right now. I am drinking Peppermint tea and eating cheese cofee cake. Chesse coffe cake. Now the name does not seem all that appealing, but it's just a bunch of sugary goodness that the buzz lasts at least....10...no wait...20 min and that makes me happy...for a while. I think it means cream cheese, so why don't they just say that? Wouldn't it be more socially accepted? Maybe you can just attach anything you want with the suffex of "coffe cake" and it becomes something so appealing bad for you sit in front of the vending machine (what we call the "Wheel of Death" at HGA) wishing yogurt wasn't $1.25 when it used to be 75 cents like the coffee cake is now. That's a differnt rant though. Tofu coffee cake. Would I still buy it? Would I want to branch out like I did when I started buying Soy milk? I would probably give it a try. I basically will try anything a couple of times. And what if I liked it? How would I get others to try some with me? They would never belive me unless they were Vegan or somehthing.
